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Our #1 Piece of Gay Dating Advice

What’s the best gay dating advice?

It’s easy to go overboard on a first date and either scare him away or set false expectations. That’s why this is our #1 piece of gay dating advice.

Gay dating advice on spending money on a first date

What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a first date?

When gays do it, we like to do it big. Sometimes that’s expensive and often there’s not a return on that investment.

On episode #30 of the Queer Money® podcast, we discussed why gay dating is so expensive. The conclusion by all panelists was that the same reasons why gay men have more credit card debt, fewer savings and investments, and lower credit scores are the same reason why men dating other men is so expensive – many of us our feeding our insecurities.

In many cases, we go overboard trying to win the other guy over. A surprising talking point from this episode is the money people spend buying tickets to fly across the country to date a prospective partner. This is a relatively new phenomenon because of the “newness” of social media. Social media and online dating have expanded the dating pool, so flying somewhere to date someone is more common now than in the past.

Whether it’s logical or economical, many gay men have either the money or the credit to pay for a round-trip flight. This same access to cash and credit also subsidizes expensive dinners, wine, and cocktails. It also subsidizes other extravagant dates to simultaneously win the other man’s heart and prove our worth.

Gay dating advice on when to get the money talk started:

Gay dating advice to have the money talk

1. How to split the bill on first dates

Don’t be afraid to split bills 50/50. Splitting bills 50/50 is becoming more common on the straight dating scene as straight women want to show their ability to earn money and pay their own way. This should apply to gay dating, too.

2. How to not break the bank on first dates

Start with low-cost dates (in the age of COVID, this may even be easier). Meet for coffee or a single drink. Meet at a park outside and split a bottle of wine. The idea is to get to know the person better before you start shelling out a lot of money to win them over. First, win them with your personality, then invest the bigger dollars into them.

3. How to underpromise and overdeliver on first dates

Set expectations early so that no one’s disappointed. Have a frank discussion about how much you can honestly and are willing to invest in dating someone early in the prospective relationship. Own it! Say, “I like to keep relationships simple until they evolve into more, not force them to evolve into more too early.”

4. How to split the bill on future dates

If and when the relationship evolves into more, then pay for dates and experiences based on what each person can afford, whether that’s 70/30, 60/40, or whatever works for you two.

5. How and how to get the money conversation started

Last but not least, don’t let money be a taboo topic of conversation. Make it part of your relationship early in the relationship. Studies show that couples who talk about money do better with money and, as we’ve shared before, report having better sex lives. Plus, as Dave Johnson, who’s also a divorce lawyer, shared on this episode, the money conversation will come up eventually. Stay out of his office by talking about money early and often from the beginning of your gay dating.

Get more dating advice about relationships and money:

How can you get more Queer Money® podcasts?

✅ Subscribe to the Queer Money® podcast here @ QueerMoneyPodcast

✅ Hear this original Queer Money® episode @ Why Your Last Date Took Your Last Dollar and How To Get It Back

✅ Join the conversation in the Queer Money Facebook Group @ QueerMoney

✅ Email us with questions @ [email protected]

We’re David and John Auten-Schneider, the Debt Free Guys (, and the Queer Money® podcast hosts. We help queer people (and allies) live fabulously, not fabulously broke, by helping them 1) pay off credit card debt, 2) become part- or full-time entrepreneurs and 3) save and invest for retirement.

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